If the first rule of a dysfunctional system is ‘Don’t talk about it,’ then our primary goal should be to tell the truth, to be as honest as we can manage to be. When I read something truthful, something real, I breathe a deep sigh of relief and say, ‘Fantastic - I wasn’t mad or alone in thinking that, after all!’ So often we are left to our own devices, struggling in the dark with this external and internal propaganda system. At that point, for someone to tell us the truth is a gift. In a world where people all around us are lying and confusing us, to be honest is a great kindness.

Despite the fact that privileged people have benefited from an unfair advantage in society, they are often preoccupied with being treated “fairly” in the context of reconciliation work. They believe that they have a right to be heard. They also believe they have the right to a clean slate; they don’t want past injustices (either individual or societal) to negatively affect the current reconciliation work. In addition, they believe that they have a right to be treated graciously; in other words, the oppressed person must refrain from sounding angry when expressing him or herself and must communicate in a way that is comforting to the privileged person[ii]. If any of these “rights” are violated, privileged people often bolt from the reconciliation context.